I think I need to break up with my boyfriend.
It’s so damn hard though.
It’s not like he did some cathartic bad deed that provoked me into this decision. He’s still a wonderfully sweet man, with many amazing qualities. It’s like I baked myself an ALMOST perfect cake, but the icing just doesn’t want to cooperate. The ingredients are all in there, measured with accuracy, and it’s still a cake, and you could eat the cake and be pretty happy with it. However, you could definitely have an even BETTER cake. You don’t want to waste your calories on the okay cake when there is a superior cake better suited to you, do you? I mean I don’t. That’s how I feel about my man. He’s a perfectly tasty cake, but I know that there is another variety of cake that’s just more my speed. They always say though, you cannot have your cake and eat it too. So am I simply being too picky about my cake? Evidently, I’m confused and have a craving for cake.
I’ve been seeing him since January, which is a pretty decent chunk of time. While I love him as a person, I’m not in love with him. I feel five months in, you’re usually head over heels if the relationship was going to progress that way. I also just don’t really see that white-picket future with him, that I have felt in the past with others. So now comes the horrible part with, how do you break up? I’ve always loathed confrontation, and break-ups are some of the absolute worse forms of just that. No matter what justification I have in my mind about the break-up its always heart wrenching to deliver any sort of cliff note version of that to a person you have grown to care for, and now have to say goodbye. It’s an approaching curve that you know is coming, but they have no way of preparing for. My inherent need to please people just makes breaking it off a near impossible task. I’ve in the past stayed in relationships much longer than necessary, because I kept making excuses, that maybe the feelings will grow. Maybe it will get better. All the while knowing deep in my gut, I was just being a coward and hurting both of us in the process. Anyways, it’s my burden to bear, and I will do it when the time feels right and I work up the courage to do it.
It is so frustrating that you found someone you thought would pan out, and all that work and learning about them just seems a little useless. Don’t get me wrong, there is value in those relationships. I just feel so dejected to have to go back to square one each time a romantic relationship fails. I just hope that the next man I meet that sticks around more than a few dates, that I will have the clarity early on, and so will they, that we are perhaps meant to be.
5 thoughts on “”
This is the hardest thing. And getting/giving advice is confusing because everyone’s situation is different. I suppose I’ve been lucky with breakups as they’ve mostly been mutual and i could remain friends or civil with my exs. However, being single for…. 5 years now?? And the last actual date i went on was over a year ago. My advice may be too straightforward.
Here goes. Would you one a bullet to the head or 3 to the chest and go slowly? To the point isn’t always easy, but it gets your result faster. Id rather have the person tell me rather than drag it out. Anyways… i hope you find your answer soon . Best of luck dont lose your smile 😊
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Yes for sure! It’s always difficult and there are so many personal factors that others cannot ever know or have the full picture of for perfect advice!
I did it awhile back though and it was hard, but I know I did the right thing now, and have been dating some exciting new prospects! Thanks for the comments and reading my words! XOX
This morning I was reminded of such a lovely post you wrote back in January. After scanning this, the beginning of year, fresh, white snow seems so innocent. No recipe for success here (sorry about that 😉 ). Just want to say that I TOTALLY enjoy your writing + also want to encourage you to do it even more. Maybe the only pointer I could / should proffer is to not view your relationships in such sharp contrast of black + white — instead, be more attentive to and more open, caring, even cherishing of those clichéd infinite shades of grey. 🙂
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Awe thank you so very much for all the kind words and stopping by! ❤ Haha, I don't think anyone fully has the recipe for success, but I'm trying to get all the ingredients together best I can! You're spot on about enjoying the grey! I'm trying to be more lucid with my relationships, and just enjoy the moments as they come, not be so contrived and analytical of them. Easier said than done though haha! Thank you thank you! x I will try to write more often haha!
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