Serendipity

“Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?
Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.”
― Emery Allen

 

I feel this to be true. The universe does work in peculiar ways in my experience, and I swear absolutely everything in my life always seems to come full circle at some point or another. Even if it’s not always the most pleasant of bookends, I do believe the universe seeks connections and experiences to be fulfilled at some point.

I’ve had way too many coincidences to think that they are just simply that…. a coincidence. I think its also small tests though. To see if you’re strong enough to say no to old flames. To see if you made the right call. Make sure that you were confident in the decisions that had them enter and leave your life, and maybe pop up once or twice again.

This past summer I ran into more ex flings/lovers than I could even fathom. It was straight up out of a rom-com, where the lead (myself) could not catch a break! So this occurred late June I believe. I had just broken up with my current boyfriend and was feeling very unsure of that decision (See >> https://sexualinnuendo.ca/2019/05/16/202/ ) so needless to say, I was emotionally vulnerable. I was also a little depressed, and frankly a lot horny. Fast forward to my two friends’ joint birthday party at a large rooftop bar downtown, with pretty much my entire group of friends, having a great night, drinking lots of beverages, getting tipsy. Enter high school crush #1, we will call him Edward, and I immediately turn into a useless, giddy teenage girl again. I was actually flirting with another random when I saw him, and completely just ditched talking to him to grab a drink at the bar with Edward and his friend right away. Not a lost thought for the poor guy I just completely abandoned. Some people you just can’t say no to. Edward is one of those guys. In high school, we were always flirty, but it was usually pretty one-sided on my end, having the biggest boner for him possible, while he mostly extorted me for free gum. I’ve run into him throughout the years post-school though, and we even had some make-out sessions and one blowjob on my best friend’s bed. So there was a lot of history. We hit it off in no time, and start kissing quite quickly. At some point, though he leaves to go see his friend or something, and I just return to my friends, no big deal. Enter old flame numero 2, we will call him Dean. Dean is THAT guy. The guy that could have, would have, should have, but was always just a dick.

Dean was my on-again-off-again friend with benefits for just over a year. I was in love with him, but he never returned that sentiment. We had SO much fun together. He was (and is to this day) the best sex I’ve ever had, no contest. He was a complete asshole though, leading me on constantly, horrible at communication, just toying with my emotions endlessly. Then he ghosted me stone-cold one day, and I returned the favour right back. So my surprise when I saw him, standing at the bar, was intense, because I hadn’t seen or heard from him in over a year. After a year of some of the most passionate rendezvous, I have ever experienced, it abruptly ended. With a lot of warranted anger on my end. As there was a bit of a blow out that led to our ignoring of one another (that’s a bit of another story entirely though.) He sheepishly approaches me, and I’m tipsy enough to let him. Much to my shock, his first words are, ‘I totally understand if you want to slap me right now, and never talk to me again, but I saw you awhile ago, and I had to say hi, and I had to say I’m sorry.’ Which made me melt, because a man I had been waiting on an apology from for over a year, right away did just that. I told him, of course, I won’t slap you, I’m happy to see you (which I was.) However, I knew better than to trust garbage from his mouth with all of the dirty he had done me in the past. Being kind of drunk and validated though I bought into it. He further continues into a deeper, really genuine sounding apology, and it seemed quite authentic. Me being low-key still a little in love with him ate it up and accepted it. Although I was having very conflicting thoughts about it all, but it felt good so I went with it. Then I asked if he was currently single because I was drunk and curious & noticed we kept getting closer throughout our conversation. He says, lets both say our status on the count of three and sure enough, we are both single! Go figure. Thus, commence dancing, which turned into grinding, which turned into making out. Now I know you’re thinking as you’re reading this, why am I giving the time of day to this asshole, and my answer is, I was stupid, vulnerable and a little drunk, and we’ve just got the most undeniable chemistry I’ve ever experienced with anyone. At any rate, after a little dancing and smooching, he says he needs to catch up with his friend and will be right back, just had to go let him know where he had buggered off to for like an hour. Which totally fair, whatever. So I re-join my friends.

A little time passes, that seems like an eternity, and I’m starting to fear the worst, that he fucked off on me again, and that I’m an idiot, and that I really shouldn’t be making out with this dickwad.

Enter Edward again. Which now I’m like even MORE emotionally vulnerable after thinking I just got ditched, and he’s feeling pretty fine again. So we quickly begin macking on each other, which like holy shit! As I’m literally just pulling away from a snog from Edward though, who reappears way later than they insinuated… Dean motherfucking Dean, is like, heyyyy. So I have to introduce Dean to Edward, and we all briefly SUPER awkwardly chat, but holy shit my mind is racing as to, who the hell I’m going to continue hanging with. They are literally both side by side facing and looking at me, both looking ready to grab me and make-out or whatever with me. Like I’m this piece of meat they need to fight over. My brain literally is broken. Like who do I pick?? Dean?? Edward? Dean? Neither??!!! (in retrospect neither was the best choice) I mean they are both rather undeserving, and I swear to god I just screamed frustration into my shirt in front of them and like froze. I just stopped talking haha. Like I literally couldn’t fathom what was happening and when I sort of looked up after having this small panic attack, Dean was sort of the one there grabbing me saying let’s go. So I went with Dean. To be honest to my vagina was doing the talking a bit, and I knew that the night with Dean was going to be probably more fun sexually speaking. So off we went. I felt really bad about ditching Edward but it just sorts of happened before I could really do anything about it, then my choice was made. (For the record, I texted him and apologized later on for my weird behaviour.)

Dean and I grab a cab and after me not making any decisions, he just takes me to his house. Which is conveniently a block away from my most recent exes (Christ!) I wasn’t positive I wanted to have sex with Dean. But as stated before, our connection and chemistry is literal insanity, and I just couldn’t resist. We fucked like animals. It was insane. I was just soaking wet before we even did anything major. We moved into the shower pretty quickly early on and stayed in there for literally 2 hours, with Vance Joy as our soundtrack & candles being our only light source. Romantic much? It was hard not to bone like bunnies. We went TO TOWN on one another. Butts, tongues, fingers, dick, it was hard to even know what was going on where at what time! We went at it for hours and it was honestly incredible. Truly. Like I don’t know why or how but our sex is just on a whole other level than anyone else I’ve been with. When we FINALLY finished we snuggled and had a really deep chat. I slept over, and we woke up and fucked again. I could barely even do it I was so sore from our late-night session hours before haha, but we managed anyway. It was pleasant though, and then he drove me to my car which was much appreciated. We kissed goodbye with no words regarding the future. So it was just a great fuck for old time’s sake. However a nice bookend to the Dean saga. It was really validating I wasn’t just ignored forevermore. It all came full circle. On my terms, with an apology and a nice fuck for good measure haha. I honestly don’t feel any regret or guilt and nor do I feel any longing for him anymore. I think I will always have feelings for him that are somewhat present, but I’m very at peace that we are not meant to be and he was a great learning experience. You never marry the man who gives you the best sex. So I’ve been told anyways… I’m very much hoping to change that theory with my future hubby.

I have a multitude of lessons learned from that whole learning experience. Who knows if he will ever resurface again, but I’m ok if he does not. So I think the universe really just wanted that whole hurt resolved and tucked away with a bow.

Fast forward to a few weeks later with Edward. After texting an apology for sort of ditching him at the bar, we started chatting and he invited me to a Canada Day party he was having. I decided to go with my beautiful friend Maxine. We show up, and its literally, Edward, Maxine and I. Apparently we missed the actual ‘party?’ We proceed to drink with him regardless and make art together (he’s an artist.) At first, we are flirty as all hell, but throughout the course of the evening, he proceeds to move his affection from me to my best friend Maxine.  At the end of the evening, he tries to kiss her right in front of me, which was just a dick move. Like don’t be making out with me at the bar a week before, flirting a lot afterwards, and invite ME out, & then make moves on my friend. So I think the universe literally just wanted to validate my choice of taking Dean home instead of him the previous week. It also wanted me to follow through though just so I wouldn’t have that ‘what if’ feeling.

I truly think everything is meant to be, and everything happens for a reason. These serendipitous events always leave an interesting impact, and can really shape how you choose to lead your life after they’ve thrown a curveball into your path. I like to think something’s looking out for me, that karmic energy that rewards the good I feel I am outputting, and I hope these funny coincidences are meant as a little nugget towards the path to true happiness. Here’s hoping! xx

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I think I need to break up with my boyfriend.

It’s so damn hard though.

 

It’s not like he did some cathartic bad deed that provoked me into this decision. He’s still a wonderfully sweet man, with many amazing qualities. It’s like I baked myself an ALMOST perfect cake, but the icing just doesn’t want to cooperate. The ingredients are all in there, measured with accuracy, and it’s still a cake, and you could eat the cake and be pretty happy with it. However, you could definitely have an even BETTER cake. You don’t want to waste your calories on the okay cake when there is a superior cake better suited to you, do you? I mean I don’t. That’s how I feel about my man. He’s a perfectly tasty cake, but I know that there is another variety of cake that’s just more my speed. They always say though, you cannot have your cake and eat it too. So am I simply being too picky about my cake? Evidently, I’m confused and have a craving for cake.

I’ve been seeing him since January, which is a pretty decent chunk of time. While I love him as a person, I’m not in love with him. I feel five months in, you’re usually head over heels if the relationship was going to progress that way. I also just don’t really see that white-picket future with him, that I have felt in the past with others. So now comes the horrible part with, how do you break up? I’ve always loathed confrontation, and break-ups are some of the absolute worse forms of just that. No matter what justification I have in my mind about the break-up its always heart wrenching to deliver any sort of cliff note version of that to a person you have grown to care for, and now have to say goodbye. It’s an approaching curve that you know is coming, but they have no way of preparing for. My inherent need to please people just makes breaking it off a near impossible task. I’ve in the past stayed in relationships much longer than necessary, because I kept making excuses, that maybe the feelings will grow. Maybe it will get better. All the while knowing deep in my gut, I was just being a coward and hurting both of us in the process. Anyways, it’s my burden to bear, and I will do it when the time feels right and I work up the courage to do it.

It is so frustrating that you found someone you thought would pan out, and all that work and learning about them just seems a little useless. Don’t get me wrong, there is value in those relationships. I just feel so dejected to have to go back to square one each time a romantic relationship fails. I just hope that the next man I meet that sticks around more than a few dates, that I will have the clarity early on, and so will they, that we are perhaps meant to be.

 

The Grass is always greener…..

.On the other side, or is it where you water it? That is the age old question! I’ve found myself wrestling with this idea ironically on the day of green, St. Patricks Day. I had one too many shots of Jameson’s and got my Irish eyes smiling, perhaps a little too much. With my new boyfriend on my arm, I was having a lot of fun with him. However, we weren’t glued to each other the whole day, and I had some other male attention. Male attention from some dudes who, a couple months ago, I would be very keen to flirt away with. It was an ultimate test in how invested I am in my new boyfriend. Who, full disclosure, I’ve recently had a couple little bumps in the road with, that made me contemplate the longevity of how long we are going to be lasting here. It’s so easy to meet a charming gentleman, who fits your ideal and want that new exciting romance again, and you just get swept off your feet a little bit. Meanwhile, I’ve been cultivating a wonderful relationship with my current man. It slaps you in the face quite quickly of being confronted with how satisfied you are with your current relationship. Not saying I’m going to go cheat on him or dump the guy right then and there, I’m not like that AT ALL, but it gets you thinking, am I missing out on something potentially better? Is there perhaps a better match for me? You start taking inventory of your needs. Is my boyfriend good for me? Does he enhance my life? Will this work long-term? Do my friends like him? Can I live with him? All these whirlwind questions start nagging at you, eating away at your brain slowly. Then as you start answering them, some clarity appears. You start answering with yes, my friends do love him, I could see myself living with him, he does enhance my life. Which is where I make a conscious decision not to run from love. I want to embrace my man for all he is. In the areas where he perhaps is a little lacking, I need to ‘water’ the grass, and work for our relationship. Make it the perfect fit. Relationships take work and don’t come easy. Everyone at this age has some baggage, and you just have to learn how to take a vacation with it. New love is scary. God knows I’m a little terrified of it yet. I’m not sure I am in love yet, but I certainly can say I am falling. I’m going to give it every ounce of myself I can muster to make it succeed as well because if anything is worth your hard work, it is your happiness and searching for great love. So instead of comparing, I am tending my own garden, making it flourish in any way I know how, and I encourage everyone else to make the most of what they have, and be grateful for having it!

 

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Small Paul

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Let me tell you all a story, of many moons ago, when I went on a date with a fellow, with a dick as small as his big toe.

So, it started out great. We went for drinks at this cute bar, & really hit it off. We were flirting our pants off one another, and I drank enough wine for three. We had a lovely first date and I was eager to go on another! Fast forward to date number two. We get some ice-cream and head back to his place. A little fast-paced for my norm, but I was really vibing with him, and this was back when I was fresh-off-the-boat single for the first time, and really didn’t know the norms, nor did I care about them for dating. AKA: I wanted to bump uglies with this hot dude! So we get into his impressive apartment and start making out right away. Clothes flew off quickly, and as I’m making out with him, my hand travels to his… well penis. It feels rather minuscule, but hey, some guys are growers, not showers, and I figure our steamy make-out session must not be getting him hard yet. So I start giving him a half-assed handjob, although honestly, it wasn’t the type of handjob to make him cum, it was just like some foreplay sort of touching, not like I’m vigorously rubbing one out for him. Didn’t seem to matter though, because next thing I know, somehow I am covered in cum! He projectile came with zero warning! We were like facing each other on the couch, and because of this position, the cum decorated me like a Jackson Pollock painting, across my stomach, getting everywhere! So buddy, JUMPS up, and runs to the bathroom yelling “DON’T LET IT GET ON THE SOFA” and throws me a towel, so I can wipe myself up. Then he’s like, ‘I gotta take a shower’ so I’m just sort of like…. okay, I guess I’ll just sit here with a gross cum towel and wait for you to rinse off. Meanwhile, my heads spinning! I’m like, ‘he wasn’t even hard!’ ‘was he hard?’ ‘his dick is literally a micro-penis?’ ‘what just happened?’ ‘do I go join him in the shower?’ ‘do I leave?’ ‘do I get dressed?’ among a million other thoughts. As I had never really had anything like this occur, and this was one of my first dates after dating the same boy for six years. I opted to just sit and wait for him. When he finally came out of the shower. He was SO incredibly awkward. He couldn’t even look me in the eye. Then I was still naked and immediately regretted that because he had gone the extra mile to get dressed. He wouldn’t even speak to me, besides muttering some rather incoherent words. We settled on watching some television, while I awkwardly re-dressed myself. After he was acting like some weird, embarrassed zombie, and wouldn’t even much acknowledge my presence. I quickly gave him a very awkward hug and said I had better be on my way. He offered zero arguments otherwise, and I left having one of the strangest times on a date. He was sort of an asshole about the whole thing. I was actually astonished when he texted me later in the week, wanting to meet up again, but being rather rude in general. So because of his rudeness, I don’t feel bad dubbing him Small Paul a man, who had a literal micropenis and is the smallest I’ve ever seen much less held in person. (Like it was literally completely covered & then some with one of my fists on it.)

The Picturesquely

Do you ever feel like you’re living your life as a movie script? Every next move, not quite because of your intentions, but because it was predisposed to occur already set into motion by some higher power? If you do, you’ll know how I am feeling about seventy-five percent of the time. This past weekend was no exception. My friend, we will call her Zet, was having a party for her brand new single dropping, and she was having it in a Castle! So I invited my new squeeze, we shall call him, Vade, and eagerly anticipate the evening. Granted, I already know that three former crushes have all RSVPed ‘attending’ on the facebook group. So I already knew I was in for quite an interesting evening. We arrive, and it is quite the venue. It’s like an installation 60’s castle art space on crack, it was actually rather fantastic! Felt very dream-like and otherworldly, like we had been transported back a few decades…. that or taken a lot of drugs. The crowd here was a very odd smorgasbord of people, which just added to the delight! Vade and I arrive and quickly realize we were idiots for not bringing some acholic bevvies, so we do a brisk walk to the nearest liquor store. Bare-legged in January, not really certain of my whereabouts, it felt like the cutest little adventure, hand in hand with my new man, who I had just slept with for the first time ever, mere hours before. Giddy from the new of it all. I opt for a simple tall can Somersby blackberry cider and after no luck finding pre-made ceasers, Vade settles for a case of beer. We skip back to the party, ready to mingle with our new-found juice of confidence. Enter, man number one, who I went on some dates with not too long ago, and low-key think he might be vaguely in love with me. That was nice and awkward, then I think he’s with some new girl, but not super clear if they are on a date or not. Not sure how to interact, and it just ends up being very uncomfortable forced conversation. Then after that, queue man #2 who had made his crush on me quite obvious, who ALSO has some new girl on his arm. Yet another weird conversation happens. Luckily crush #3 never showed up. Talk about a weird smothering of ex-love interests and current all holed up together in the same strange castle, that we have just discovered is actually haunted! After all the subtle drama though, we got to enjoy an evening of a sweet tune, with some amazing people. Then I got to go home and bang my new boy some more. So it turned into pretty great, movie-script Friday! xox

 

nyctinasty

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“If you’ve ever taken a late-night stroll through a garden, you may have noticed that certain flowers, much like people, tend to retire after the sun goes down.

But flowers that close up at night, such as tulips, hibiscus, poppies and crocuses, aren’t sleepy. They’re just highly evolved.

Plants that tuck themselves in for bedtime exhibit a natural behavior known as nyctinasty. Scientists know the mechanism behind the phenomenon: In cool air and darkness, the bottom-most petals of certain flowers grow at a faster rate than the upper-most petals, forcing the flowers shut.

But scientists are not quite sure why some plants, particularly flowers, evolved this way. There are several theories, though.

Charles Darwin believed that plants close up at night to reduce their risk of freezing. Another theory suggests that nyctinastic plants are conserving energy — and perhaps their odor — for the daytime, when pollinating insects are most active.

Some scientists believe that this self-serving behavior prevents pollen from becoming wet and heavy with dew. Insects can more easily transfer dry pollen, improving a nyctinastic plant’s likelihood of successful reproduction.

And one fascinating idea holds that nyctinasty is a highly evolved defense mechanism against a plant’s nocturnal predators. By closing up tight, the flowers in your garden create a clearer view of the ground for nighttime hunters, like owls, who kill off flower-munching herbivores out looking for a midnight snack.” –  Elizabeth Palermo

https://www.livescience.com/34569-why-flowers-close-at-night-nyctinasty.html

I feel like I am constantly going into nyctinasty. When the fuck boys come out at night, I close up, and protect myself. Even when the good guys come and want to date me, NOPE, I close up, and close off. My friend re-affirmed to me the other night, that I am a commitment-phobe. Which is really funny to me, because I never would use that word to describe myself in the past, but these days…. it is really true. It is not that I want to be at all either! That’s why it is so ironic. I feel as though I am Ted from How I Met Your Mother for pretty much the majority of that show. I am a desperate romantic looking for love. Yet every time I get close, self-sabotage occurs, or just plain bad luck ensues. I think I’m hung up on old ideas of love and past lovers too, that I’m unwilling to accept small flaws of potential new suitors, which is a toxic way of thinking. Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say. So even though I’m a beautiful flower, who deserves some rest and protection. I want to be an open Lily, and blossom 24/7, not just when the suns out. xox

thank you, next

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Happy New Year lovely readers! I’m so eager for twenty-nineteen! Sadly, twenty-eighteen wasn’t really my year. It certainly did me no favours in the relationship department. Granted I can’t complain too much, as I learned a lot. I feel like I’m emotionally equipped, and definitely physically ready for a real, solid relationship this year. In fact, I’m running towards romance, ready to fall head over feet (thanks Alannis….banger of a tune).  I refuse to be accepting of any bullshit treatment. The second you’re rude to me and start to play mind games, I’m over it, that was 2018’s learning curve. Idiots will not be tolerated this year… no matter how cute they are, or how good the sex is.

Embracing love, and wanting it more than anything is dangerous though. It can leave you feeling so alone when you aren’t receiving it. So I am not going to be desperate, and I am actually extremely content, doing my own thing, and being on my own. That’s always when love fosters the most anyways. If you can’t love yourself, why would someone else love you? So although I am not much one for ‘resolutions’ I am making some promises to hold myself to. Pinky, promises (those are unbreakable!). I vow that I will invest in my health and well-being. I will continue going to the gym, and living an active lifestyle. I will also treat my body with respect and feed it nutrients it needs, not just the late night cookies it craves. I will foster my friendships, and make sure I am a damn good friend, because all of my friends are damn good to me, and deserve the same! I will continue to compliment and be kind to strangers, as the world always is in dire need of more sweethearts. I will also be more aware of my spending habits and try to budget better. I’m a quarter-century, and I feel like it is the perfect time for the stars to align and for my life to get on the track its intended to be on.

Now to not sound like a preachy fuck, let’s talk about how I haven’t been laid in weeks! I am being much more selective of who I sleep with these days (although, I have always been somewhat picky.) Which is horrible, because it means lots of lonely solo nights. However, it is well worth the pay-off of when you finally click with someone the fireworks are just that much more magnified! I am implementing a rule that I will not sleep with someone until I am confident that they are not going to go around and take off the second I do. I think its pretty wise. It’s a little longer than maybe the ‘three dates’ typical rule, but I believe its rather effective. No one has up and left me since this rule… in fact, most of them tend to fall in love with me so I would say its working. Sadly, just wasn’t a two-way feeling. How come its always the ones you are obsessing over, are not that into it, and the ones crazy into you, you just can’t go there with them. I just need the mutual liking to happen! It’s all about timing, and both people having their green lights on. I think mines been yellow for some time. Almost ready to commit, but just not quite there yet. Always waiting. Only time will tell though, but I’m really looking forward to this year, I feel like it’s going to be a good one, I just know it! xox

Blow Me

AH, MY SURE-FIRE BLOW-JOB TIPS:

– Foreplay is always encouraged! A fun unique way —– some hot tea, and cold ice water, and playing with temperatures can be ridiculously effective. Swirl some in your mouth and switch back and forth, and I promise the effect will be mind-blowing——

– Approach: there’s a ton of playing you can do near the penis before beginning the actual dick sucking. Try a graze, kiss, touch, breathe, and look up at your partner. Play with and suck on his balls a little before the main course. If he’s into it I like to lick his asshole, up to his balls, and then all the way up to the tip, before I engulf his dick with my warm mouth.

Eye contact is key, As much as you can try to look them in the eye. It can be really sexy if you lick the tip, or just kiss it, and give them a wink or something. Tease a little, looking at them all flirty, then right when they are sort of just on edge, deep throat as much as you can.

– Switch it up a bit, blowjobs can honestly bore a lot of guys, which is why some “Can’t get off from head” (ps any guy who says that is full of shit, or they haven’t ever had good enough head.) Like don’t just lick the tip the whole time, or just deep throat it (although the latter is more effective haha) Like tease between licking the side, licking the balls, if you’re feeling adventurous get some bum licks in their too, deep throat it a bit, lick the tip, caress it, use your hands. And switch between different positions. Just like sex, missionary the whole time’s a little mundane, same goes with a blowie.

– Don’t forget about your hands, and your body! You can use your boobs for a bit, give a bit of a tit job for a bit, rub them over him, use your hands on his inner thigh, or balls. Again if you and your partner are more into it, a finger in the bum, or the spot right between the balls and butt hole, can be a great trigger point. Just kind of massage it gently. Run them all over his body. Flip around and 69. Make him an active participant.

Sometimes no hands work better too! If he’s rock hard, take in his cock as much as possible and utilize your hands elsewhere. Grab his thighs, or butt, or balls for a bit! Let the mouth take on the full job.

– Don’t be afraid to move him. If you’re neck or whatever is getting sore, GRAB YO MAN, forcefully and drag his ass into a comfortable position for you (& him perhaps). If it means you give better, longer head, he’ll be down! Also adds to further variety!

– Practice makes perfect. Honestly dating someone with a big dick got me really good at blowjobs, because every other dick usually is the same or smaller so its easier haha. To mitigate gagging, ball your thumb in your fist and squeeze, it helps. And just try to relax your throat. Try not to lock your jaw too. It will help with longevity if you can keep it relaxed!

– The wetter, and sloppier the better. Like just fucking slobber all over that guys junk, it’s hotter if it is messy. It shows enthusiasm, and just lubrication is always better. It makes your life easier too, cause it’s easier to sort of glide along if you’ve got some good saliva action!

– A big smile with eye contact midway through can be everything as you give the cock a nice big lick or deepthroat. 

– I like rubbing the tip of the cock around my lips almost as if it’s my lipstick, and teasing it, until he’s looking at me, so thirsty for it. Then right as he’s so on edge, I take in as much as I possibly can down my throat with a big smile.

MOAN and be vocal, when you like “hum” mmmm, it creates a vibration that feels great on their dick. It also adds to general enthusiasm, your man, wants you to be enjoying yourself & gets off on you doing so.

– When deep throating, DON’T FORGET your tongue. Don’t just deep throat and leave it like a limp hotdog along for the ride. Actively try to lick, while deep throating (its sort of harder yes,,, but once you figure out how, its fine, and way better for him!) Like as you get your throat near (or at) the base make you tongue lick flat up, then flick it at the top of the frenulum before you go down for another big gulp.  Also obviously avoid teeth. Pull your top and bottom lips over the top of them and open your mouth nice and wide to avoid any unwanted teeth action.

– It’s different for every guy what they like, so don’t be afraid to ask, or experiment and sort of be like, how does this feel? I find typically flicking the tongue at the tip, and sort of like…. making out (for lack of a better term) with it the most effective? Think of how you like your clit to be licked. The tip of the dick is similar. The bottom underside where the like head of the cock “joins” is called the frenulum and it is very sensitive. Lots of fast, rapid, small circles are nice, as well as just little licks upward. And swirling your tongue around the whole head is lovely.

Watch how a guy jerks himself off, and imitate. He knows how to make himself cum better than anyone else. So notice how much pressure he uses, and where he’s sort of tugging that meat, and focusing. Then emulate. I got way better at handjobs just observing dudes. ***They don’t typically hold it as tight as one would think… no vice grip***

– Assuming you want to please your partner, tell them they can cum wherever they want. Typically I just swallow, cause its less messy, and turns on the guy the most, and lets them get off fully without sort of stifling their orgasm. It’s pretty hot if you say “I’m not stopping until I taste your cum”

– Dirty talk, in particular, dick-related & be a cock-worshipper. Things like: “You like watching me suck this big, tasty cock?” or “you’re so hard/big/thick, I love having you inside me.”,  or “I’m soaking wet from this thick juicy cock in my mouth…”. It gets a lot of guys every time. Be prepared for them to cum after lots of this haha. Or for them to fuck the daylights out of you.

– A finger or two in the bum, while you are sucking his cock can really intensify every sensation. I like to have one hand ‘pumping’ the dick, mouth, deep throating or teasing the cocks head, and the other hand sort of one finger in the bum, and the other fingers cupping his balls. If you can manage them all together it will set you apart from other partners for sure. Once your finger is in the bum, little ‘pressing’ in and out movements or minimal ‘come here’ motions work. It’s not so much about going super deep, just the finger edging in is often better.

– When you want them to cum, tell them! It’s hot, and like lets them know, like okay, its go time haha. (Although don’t pressure them) but typically they’ll grab your head, and sort of make it happen. I find that if you want them to come, deep-throating with a finger in the bum, just sort of teasing the ass hole, is a sure fire way all the time. If bums aren’t your or your man’s thang, also cupping the balls  and tugging relatively gently helps, This will pull all the skin tight on his erect penis, making everything more sensitive.

– When he is cumming, moan, tell him its yummy. And lick it all up. Don’t just stop sucking his dick the second you taste cum, make the orgasm last as long as possible. Milk your man! Keep pumping his dick, or whatever you were doing, until you’re sure he’s fully finished. He’ll probably be twitching and pushing you off, because its crazy sensitive, but don’t you dare leave until he’s like fully done unloading and can’t take anymore! Follow through the orgasm to get its fullest payoff.

– Not for the faint of heart. But sometimes holding the cum in your mouth, and swirling it around the tip after can really feel good for your man. Also sometimes they like to see you licking it up. I always lick my dicks squeaky clean after I get them off. With lots of moaning of course. (*not for everyone)

– Some guys hate this, but running your fingertips or nails all over his body after he’s came can feel amazing.

In a nutshell (heh) just be enthusiastic & playful, be vocal, & enjoy it (I mean hopefully you are, but if not, try to look like you are), make it sloppy, and switch it up. I guarantee you that this will make him come back for more! It’s not a race, pleasure is pleasure, and make every moment count. Make sure you’re on the same page with any bum stuff, before you surprise him with that too! Lastly, these tips aren’t one size fits all, so as always, communication is key, as well as reading your mans verbal and physical cues if he’s enjoying something, or not.

 

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Dirrty

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It’s funny how one’s sexual tastes evolve over time. It’s so random too! Like you may have NEVER wanted to do butt stuff with one partner, then all of a sudden, it’s all you do with another! It just varies though from partner to partner. I think that is what makes sex so fun! It can be so unpredictable! It should be spontaneous, different and exciting & of course… a little dirty. If not, where is the fun in it? It’s like any activity. You should constantly be re-inventing new ways of doing it. Better ways. More creative ways. It’s like art. In fact, it is an art. One does not simply paint the same scenery of trees for their entire art career. If they do, you better bet that it’s going Pablo Picasso, from a more realistic approach to abstract cubism. Moreover, they are always experimenting and wetting their paintbrush in different ways & unique rhythms.

That is why the appeal of new partners is such a draw. It automatically switches up everything so drastically, that its no wonder people can tend to be… well… a little slutty. It’s also what makes being in a committed relationship such a challenge! You constantly need to reinvent yourself to keep it from going stale. As one who was in a six-year committed relationship, I know how hard it can be. You get in a mundane routine, and it gets so boring, that eventually you barely have sex anymore at all! That kiddos is the death of a relationship! So I’m writing telling you, switch it up! Break from routine! If you’re helplessly single right now too (I feel ya) then enjoy the differences from every partner! Even if they are bad differences! Now you know what you don’t like! If its god-awful too, its usually always a funny story later! xx