Dildo Daze

So I tried my first dildo yesterday!

How’s that for an opening line? You’re also probably shocked, with me, being a connoisseur of sex advice and owning a blog entitled Sexual Innuendo, its often shocking to everyone I don’t own any sex toys…. until now. There goes my go-to ‘never have I ever.’ Alas, all good things must come to an end, and my steady supply of dick has been rather unavailable as of late, so dildo here we come! As to why I’ve never owned one, I’ve thought about it tons, but just never felt compelled enough to bother investing. Luckily I’ve been blessed in my twenty-six years on the planet, that I can usually get a good dicking pretty easily. I’ve also never had a partner ever be into toys, so it’s just never really happened. This though is not only for my own pleasure but for science! Research!

I purchased a rather generic, rabbit style, purple and gold little number courtesy of amazon. It’s got some vibration settings, water-proof, all the normal sort of standard features. My first thought when I held it to my clit, was “holy fuck I’ve been missing out” but after having a little solo session, I was honestly pretty underwhelmed. I’m not in love with the vibration, it just feels a little too intense, but somehow not enough simultaneously. I tried turning it off and just used it as a dick essentially, but it just felt sort of hollow and just not quite the same. So as predicted, a dick, fingers, or tongue is much preferable. However, that being said, it did the trick in the end, and it won’t be the first or last time I use it. I feel as though with further experimentation I can probably get a better sort of feel for how to use it too, it was an adjustment to sort of fuck myself, so I will definitely be trying some different techniques in the coming days. My wrist definitely thanked me for not going to town on myself with just my right hand, Jill. Also, it’s probably ideal I won’t be found dead, in my bathtub with my fanny inverted awkwardly up to the faucet, while I’m practically drowning trying to get off, because my ass keeps closing the drain.

Some things you just can’t replicate. Filling the void with, cookies, exercise, shopping or dildos is sometimes all we have though, and its a nice temporary fix. I’m thankful I’m privileged enough to try these things, but also fortunate enough that I don’t really need to if I don’t want to either. In the meantime, I’m really missing my man who is in Australia, but coping in the healthiest ways I can think of. My wish to all my lovely readers is that you’re getting off regularly and whether it be from your own hands, dildos, dicks, or mouths, or other vaginas, know your sexual gratification is important. It’s natural and lovely and nothing to be ashamed of and I highly recommend if you can think of any ways to improve it, you do! Happy humping lovelies xox

Image result for tasteful orgasm face picture

The Picturesquely

Do you ever feel like you’re living your life as a movie script? Every next move, not quite because of your intentions, but because it was predisposed to occur already set into motion by some higher power? If you do, you’ll know how I am feeling about seventy-five percent of the time. This past weekend was no exception. My friend, we will call her Zet, was having a party for her brand new single dropping, and she was having it in a Castle! So I invited my new squeeze, we shall call him, Vade, and eagerly anticipate the evening. Granted, I already know that three former crushes have all RSVPed ‘attending’ on the facebook group. So I already knew I was in for quite an interesting evening. We arrive, and it is quite the venue. It’s like an installation 60’s castle art space on crack, it was actually rather fantastic! Felt very dream-like and otherworldly, like we had been transported back a few decades…. that or taken a lot of drugs. The crowd here was a very odd smorgasbord of people, which just added to the delight! Vade and I arrive and quickly realize we were idiots for not bringing some acholic bevvies, so we do a brisk walk to the nearest liquor store. Bare-legged in January, not really certain of my whereabouts, it felt like the cutest little adventure, hand in hand with my new man, who I had just slept with for the first time ever, mere hours before. Giddy from the new of it all. I opt for a simple tall can Somersby blackberry cider and after no luck finding pre-made ceasers, Vade settles for a case of beer. We skip back to the party, ready to mingle with our new-found juice of confidence. Enter, man number one, who I went on some dates with not too long ago, and low-key think he might be vaguely in love with me. That was nice and awkward, then I think he’s with some new girl, but not super clear if they are on a date or not. Not sure how to interact, and it just ends up being very uncomfortable forced conversation. Then after that, queue man #2 who had made his crush on me quite obvious, who ALSO has some new girl on his arm. Yet another weird conversation happens. Luckily crush #3 never showed up. Talk about a weird smothering of ex-love interests and current all holed up together in the same strange castle, that we have just discovered is actually haunted! After all the subtle drama though, we got to enjoy an evening of a sweet tune, with some amazing people. Then I got to go home and bang my new boy some more. So it turned into pretty great, movie-script Friday! xox

Blow Me

AH, MY SURE-FIRE BLOW-JOB TIPS:

– Foreplay is always encouraged! A fun unique way —– some hot tea, and cold ice water, and playing with temperatures can be ridiculously effective. Swirl some in your mouth and switch back and forth, and I promise the effect will be mind-blowing——

– Approach: there’s a ton of playing you can do near the penis before beginning the actual dick sucking. Try a graze, kiss, touch, breathe, and look up at your partner. Play with and suck on his balls a little before the main course. If he’s into it I like to lick his asshole, up to his balls, and then all the way up to the tip, before I engulf his dick with my warm mouth.

– Eye contact is key, As much as you can try to look them in the eye. It can be really sexy if you lick the tip, or just kiss it, and give them a wink or something. Tease a little, looking at them all flirty, then right when they are sort of just on edge, deep throat as much as you can.

– Switch it up a bit, blowjobs can honestly bore a lot of guys, which is why some “Can’t get off from head” (ps any guy who says that is full of shit, or they haven’t ever had good enough head.) Like don’t just lick the tip the whole time, or just deep throat it (although the latter is more effective haha) Like tease between licking the side, licking the balls, if you’re feeling adventurous get some bum licks in their too, deep throat it a bit, lick the tip, caress it, use your hands. And switch between different positions. Just like sex, missionary the whole time’s a little mundane, same goes with a blowie.

– Don’t forget about your hands, and your body! You can use your boobs for a bit, give a bit of a tit job for a bit, rub them over him, use your hands on his inner thigh, or balls. Again if you and your partner are more into it, a finger in the bum, or the spot right between the balls and butt hole, can be a great trigger point. Just kind of massage it gently. Run them all over his body. Flip around and 69. Make him an active participant.

– Sometimes no hands work better too! If he’s rock hard, take in his cock as much as possible and utilize your hands elsewhere. Grab his thighs, or butt, or balls for a bit! Let the mouth take on the full job.

– Don’t be afraid to move him. If you’re neck or whatever is getting sore, GRAB YO MAN, forcefully and drag his ass into a comfortable position for you (& him perhaps). If it means you give better, longer head, he’ll be down! Also adds to further variety!

– Practice makes perfect. Honestly dating someone with a big dick got me really good at blowjobs, because every other dick usually is the same or smaller so its easier haha. To mitigate gagging, ball your thumb in your fist and squeeze, it helps. And just try to relax your throat. Try not to lock your jaw too. It will help with longevity if you can keep it relaxed!

– The wetter, and sloppier the better. Like just fucking slobber all over that guys junk, it’s hotter if it is messy. It shows enthusiasm, and just lubrication is always better. It makes your life easier too, cause it’s easier to sort of glide along if you’ve got some good saliva action!

– A big smile with eye contact midway through can be everything as you give the cock a nice big lick or deepthroat.

– I like rubbing the tip of the cock around my lips almost as if it’s my lipstick, and teasing it, until he’s looking at me, so thirsty for it. Then right as he’s so on edge, I take in as much as I possibly can down my throat with a big smile.

– MOAN and be vocal, when you like “hum” mmmm, it creates a vibration that feels great on their dick. It also adds to general enthusiasm, your man, wants you to be enjoying yourself & gets off on you doing so.

– When deep throating, DON’T FORGET your tongue. Don’t just deep throat and leave it like a limp hotdog along for the ride. Actively try to lick, while deep throating (its sort of harder yes,,, but once you figure out how, its fine, and way better for him!) Like as you get your throat near (or at) the base make you tongue lick flat up, then flick it at the top of the frenulum before you go down for another big gulp. Also obviously avoid teeth. Pull your top and bottom lips over the top of them and open your mouth nice and wide to avoid any unwanted teeth action.

– It’s different for every guy what they like, so don’t be afraid to ask, or experiment and sort of be like, how does this feel? I find typically flicking the tongue at the tip, and sort of like…. making out (for lack of a better term) with it the most effective? Think of how you like your clit to be licked. The tip of the dick is similar. The bottom underside where the like head of the cock “joins” is called the frenulum and it is very sensitive. Lots of fast, rapid, small circles are nice, as well as just little licks upward. And swirling your tongue around the whole head is lovely.

– Watch how a guy jerks himself off, and imitate. He knows how to make himself cum better than anyone else. So notice how much pressure he uses, and where he’s sort of tugging that meat, and focusing. Then emulate. I got way better at handjobs just observing dudes. ***They don’t typically hold it as tight as one would think… no vice grip***

– Assuming you want to please your partner, tell them they can cum wherever they want. Typically I just swallow, cause its less messy, and turns on the guy the most, and lets them get off fully without sort of stifling their orgasm. It’s pretty hot if you say “I’m not stopping until I taste your cum”

– Dirty talk, in particular, dick-related & be a cock-worshipper. Things like: “You like watching me suck this big, tasty cock?” or “you’re so hard/big/thick, I love having you inside me.”, or “I’m soaking wet from this thick juicy cock in my mouth…”. It gets a lot of guys every time. Be prepared for them to cum after lots of this haha. Or for them to fuck the daylights out of you.

– A finger or two in the bum, while you are sucking his cock can really intensify every sensation. I like to have one hand ‘pumping’ the dick, mouth, deep throating or teasing the cocks head, and the other hand sort of one finger in the bum, and the other fingers cupping his balls. If you can manage them all together it will set you apart from other partners for sure. Once your finger is in the bum, little ‘pressing’ in and out movements or minimal ‘come here’ motions work. It’s not so much about going super deep, just the finger edging in is often better.

– When you want them to cum, tell them! It’s hot, and like lets them know, like okay, its go time haha. (Although don’t pressure them) but typically they’ll grab your head, and sort of make it happen. I find that if you want them to come, deep-throating with a finger in the bum, just sort of teasing the ass hole, is a sure fire way all the time. If bums aren’t your or your man’s thang, also cupping the balls and tugging relatively gently helps, This will pull all the skin tight on his erect penis, making everything more sensitive.

– When he is cumming, moan, tell him its yummy. And lick it all up. Don’t just stop sucking his dick the second you taste cum, make the orgasm last as long as possible. Milk your man! Keep pumping his dick, or whatever you were doing, until you’re sure he’s fully finished. He’ll probably be twitching and pushing you off, because its crazy sensitive, but don’t you dare leave until he’s like fully done unloading and can’t take anymore! Follow through the orgasm to get its fullest payoff.

– Not for the faint of heart. But sometimes holding the cum in your mouth, and swirling it around the tip after can really feel good for your man. Also sometimes they like to see you licking it up. I always lick my dicks squeaky clean after I get them off. With lots of moaning of course. (*not for everyone)

– Some guys hate this, but running your fingertips or nails all over his body after he’s came can feel amazing.

In a nutshell (heh) just be enthusiastic & playful, be vocal, & enjoy it (I mean hopefully you are, but if not, try to look like you are), make it sloppy, and switch it up. I guarantee you that this will make him come back for more! It’s not a race, pleasure is pleasure, and make every moment count. Make sure you’re on the same page with any bum stuff, before you surprise him with that too! Lastly, these tips aren’t one size fits all, so as always, communication is key, as well as reading your mans verbal and physical cues if he’s enjoying something, or not.

: Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

investing in yourself

Just thought I’d steal a quote from the love guru, Matthew Hussey:

“NEVER, EVER, EVER INVEST IN A GUY BASED ON HOW MUCH YOU LIKE HIM. INVEST BASED ON HOW MUCH HE INVESTS IN YOU.”

I myself always get caught up in dating, that once I decide I like a guy, I fall hard and fast, and I put him on a pedestal in my brain. No matter how perfect a guy is, its detrimental to have the mentality that he’s above you and this untouchable human, whose wonderful in every conceivable way. It negates you keeping standards as well as finding out who the man sitting in front of you truly authentically is, rather than your projected version of the ideal candidate. I get it, it’s so easy to do. You think, finally, a guy I click with, who ticks most if not all of the main boxes! That’s so dangerous though because if you suddenly pour yourself & efforts into him it can come off way too strong and clingy. Its crucial men can feel at ease in the early stages of dating you, or they simply won’t want to date you.

One of my favourite sayings when playing cards (yes I’m 25 going on 80, what of it?) is, ‘your hands are bleeding’ meaning, your cards are showing! While I am a strong advocate of being your authentic self, & being open and honest, you can’t show off your whole hand right away. Play those spades, & clubs first, and let him work to get you diamonds, and finally your hearts. Take him outdoors, cut loose dancing with him & don’t expect to be spoiled until he truly can’t help but spoil you! Trust you’ll be reigning as Queen of Hearts in no time if you take time to cultivate a solid foundation based upon an equal playing field.

Precisely why I thought I’d take a moment of your day to tell you. You deserve strong, true, easy love. However, if you think you’ve found it, keep yourself in check! Don’t get ahead of yourself too fast, take some reality checks along the way. Remember they are a human with flaws, and that’s okay. Match their investment level & keep your heels and your head high! xx