How do you know when someone is the one? Is it as simple as thinking about them all the time? No, I feel like you get that gut instinct, that just knows, however, I think mine is broken now. Is it because I’ve been hurt in the past so often, that I’m now so guarded to let love just burst in? Have I already had my one and only shot? Could it be that I just have yet to meet my next great love? These are the questions that bombard my mind daily, when I’m just trying to live my best life, dammit!
I’ve made myself the promise that I refuse to make it official and date anyone that I’m not insanely excited about, and falling in, or already in love with! I don’t think anyone should settle. In my quest to uphold this mantra to myself though, I feel as though I may have not given a few guys a fair enough of a chance. I let some good guys go, for some now somewhat perhaps trivial reasons. It’s hard to have those ‘what ifs’ and stew on the fact they could have been a beautiful relationship had I worked at it a little harder. Maybe its this idea that you simply, fall in love. It shouldn’t be difficult, it shouldn’t be stressful, it shouldn’t be scary. It should just simply be. It just happens as quickly as falling asleep. One day you just realize you love the person, and nothing insanely dramatic and cathartic happens when you make this realization typically. It can be the moment they remembered you like white vinegar on your potatoes, with wayyyy too much salt & ensure to ask the waitress to bring it for you. It is always the small acts that prove the biggest love. Sadly, I’ve yet to have that, with a great impact. I’ve had little glimpses of it coming up on my third year of being single. I’m just here, not so patiently waiting for it to happen. My main thought today though is to not give up. To keep up the hope that great love will come my way & all this noise in the background is just experience to laugh about later and make my dumbass realize that once I find the one, I’ll be sure to know it!
xx Later days
Just thought I’d steal a quote from the love guru, Matthew Hussey:
“NEVER, EVER, EVER INVEST IN A GUY BASED ON HOW MUCH YOU LIKE HIM. INVEST BASED ON HOW MUCH HE INVESTS IN YOU.”
I myself always get caught up in dating, that once I decide I like a guy, I fall hard and fast, and I put him on a pedestal in my brain. No matter how perfect a guy is, its detrimental to have the mentality that he’s above you and this untouchable human, whose wonderful in every conceivable way. It negates you keeping standards as well as finding out who the man sitting in front of you truly authentically is, rather than your projected version of the ideal candidate. I get it, it’s so easy to do. You think, finally, a guy I click with, who ticks most if not all of the main boxes! That’s so dangerous though because if you suddenly pour yourself & efforts into him it can come off way too strong and clingy. Its crucial men can feel at ease in the early stages of dating you, or they simply won’t want to date you.
One of my favourite sayings when playing cards (yes I’m 25 going on 80, what of it?) is, ‘your hands are bleeding’ meaning, your cards are showing! While I am a strong advocate of being your authentic self, & being open and honest, you can’t show off your whole hand right away. Play those spades, & clubs first, and let him work to get you diamonds, and finally your hearts. Take him outdoors, cut loose dancing with him & don’t expect to be spoiled until he truly can’t help but spoil you! Trust you’ll be reigning as Queen of Hearts in no time if you take time to cultivate a solid foundation based upon an equal playing field.
Precisely why I thought I’d take a moment of your day to tell you. You deserve strong, true, easy love. However, if you think you’ve found it, keep yourself in check! Don’t get ahead of yourself too fast, take some reality checks along the way. Remember they are a human with flaws, and that’s okay. Match their investment level & keep your heels and your head high! xx
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-five years here on earth, it’s that if people want you in your life, you will be in it. Simple as that. There’s no ifs and buts if you want my company, you will make it happen. I’ve tolerated too many half-ass relationships (friends & romantically) and have come to the conclusion, that I’m through with your sorry ass, if you can’t reciprocate the effort I’m giving you! Never chase love & affection, if it is not given freely, for one, it’s not worth having, and secondly, they don’t want you bad enough. Know your worth. It has taken me years to feel worthy of a great love, and some days, I feel as if I don’t deserve it truthfully. However, I’m a strong, confident woman, who knows, I’m a mother-fucking-prize & whoever I choose to date next better treat me as such. My friend told me something which sounds a little off & harsh at first take, but I think its actually so on point, he said ‘date someone who worships you & thinks you’re a goddess.’ If you have someone who just absolutely adores you, they won’t fuck around with you, and they will make you feel so loved. Isn’t that all we want to be at the end of the day, adored and loved beyond anything? I know I do. So tell those fuckboys to fuck off & drop anyone who isn’t putting in an adequate amount of effort. Also, check yourself. Maybe it’s you that is not putting in the effort? If you aren’t, ask yourself why, and make a change either way! Either cut them off nicely and concisely or get your ass in gear and start being a good friend/romantic partner! I struggle with the fact that I’m an outgoing go-getter, who goes after what they want. So when I know I like someone, I go all in, which can and has scared a lot of guys off. I like my attitude though, I think more people need to be upfront in what they want (just don’t be a creep about it!) For myself though it can be difficult to know when I need to pull back and see if they are as into it as I am. I’ve been trying to be very self-aware of this as of late. Difficult doesn’t even begin to explain it because when I like someone, I want more than anything to shower them in attention and affection! That is how I realize though, someone needs to treat me and that its love that happens when it’s two people trying to outdo one another. Each person should feel as though one another treats them as a god/goddess. So if you aren’t getting that great effort, I’m sorry, but its time to say goodbye! It’s scary at first, but it will feel so liberating after, I promise! Not too mention, a good dose of fear, can make some people who were on the fence, come back full-force with their tail between their legs on occasion! So I did some cleaning-house today with some guys and I feel pretty relieved to be rid of some of these draining relationships. Here’s to better days & better loving. xx